![]() Secondly your fierce head-butts fuck shit up for miles, which is a scientifically accurate description of goat behavior. Not invincible, sadly, but since it takes a head on collision with a truck to even phase you I’ll let that slide. For starters, you’re fucking invulnerable. Which is to say “Like a ice-cream truck full of dark matter”Īnd this game provides that. Goats, as I’ve said, are the most badass creatures in the animal kingdom.Ī goat with a rocket pack handles about as well as you might expect. Though where this can be seen as a curse, Goat Sim is an unremitting success. Making a simulator is always going to be a fine line between trying to make a fun experience and trying to make a game. The only real test for a game like Goat Simulator is the same as any true simulator, that’s accuracy. There’s stuff he’s willingly injected into himself that’s banned by the Geneva Convention). Though he’s more subtly supernatural, it’s still pretty obvious. (The greater prince of darkness is, obviously, Ozzy. It’s just that until humans invented guns, if a goat was bleeding it meant one of two things.Įither that some dumb motherfucker was trying to butcher one, of that the only animal more bad-ass (a dragon, if you’re wondering) was starting shit.Īnd if there’s two things the lesser prince of darkness loves, it’s watching humans get their asses kicked and seducing dragons. That’s not to say they’re evil, of course. Like little satanic, take-no-shit versions of nature’s dumbest animals, goats can live on fucking vertical planes, survive off a diet of old condoms and unbridled, animalistic hate and, to top it all off, have blood that can summon Satan. (But here I fucking go anyway.) Aside from having the best type of facial hair both named after them and a fucking natural feature of their face, they’re also kick-ass in their own right. I don’t need to tell you that goats are the most fucking metal animals on the face of the earth. Goat Simulator is, quite frankly, too perfect for this imperfect world. But I have seen now, that mine was merely the ignorance of the uninitiated. Yet I sit here, with shaking hands, to tell you. It was announced as coming and I, in my hubris, thought to mock the flock. I kept an eye out for developments, of course. Now perhaps you think this ridiculous? Truth be told, so did I. But then, to the surprise of everyone, it’s creators most of all, people started to cry out for it. When I first heard, I’d assumed like many (including its creators) that it was a joke, a myth, an amusing lampoon of the industry that seems to consider no job to banal to craft a simulator around it. “The game” in this context being Goat Simulator. You see, last night, while you slept (or more likely, considering our demographic, drank and marauded) a single flake of the infinite fell into our world. But I must tell you, this is an illusion. Today was, in appearances at least, much like yesterday. I can forgive you for not noticing, of course.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |